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Marital Support
of Your Home Business
© 1999,
by Lisa M. Roberts
- Recently a request came in that said "EP Times" written all over it. When asked on the
application form what EP can
offer, a new member wrote in, "How to encourage your spouse
to support your decision to work at home."
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- Now here's a subject near and
dear to my heart. So much so that I devoted a full chapter in
my book about it. I called the chapter "Seesawing With Your
Spouse," and I procrastinated writing it until the very
end. Later I wondered how I could zip through the chapters on
how home business impacts on children, a household and the individual...but
muddle so slowly through the chapter about how it impacts on
a marriage.
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- The answer is simple: the issue
is complicated! Yet it is a vital one that could make or break
this work option for you. It also, truth be told, could make
or break a marriage. As aspiring or new Entrepreneurial Parents, you should be aware that not all home
businesses have happy endings. Personally, two of my EP mentors have struggled through the break-up of
their marriages -- and one after fifteen years of entrepreneurship
and raising four children to adulthood. While clearly the issues
between these couples run deeper than choice of a career, both
did express to me that the subject came up in marriage counseling
sessions, and their spouses attributed the home business as a
deep source of pent-up hostility. The unhappy spouses cited the
following issues as part of the problem:
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- 1. Competition with the home
business (and clients) for attention
2. Jealousy of all the public recognition (via promotions for
the business), and
3. Resentment of being the one "stuck" with a 9-5,
day-in, day-out conventional job that *paid the bills* (and financially
supported the EP with the "fun" job).
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- Encouraging your spouse to support
your decision to work at home involves much more than the viability
of the home business in question. How you perceive yourself,
how your spouse perceives him/herself, how you perceive each
other, are all embroiled in with the decision. While some of
us are blessed with easy-going relationships that thrive on "whatever
makes you happy makes me happy," many more of us deal with
ongoing power struggles, marital miscommunications, and middle-aged
(yes, it's time for some of us to admit it!) fears and insecurities.
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- The bottom line is that the
new member who wrote in with her concern has opened up a can
of worms! If you've been looking to toss that can aside yourself,
here are a few concepts to consider. To promote your home business
as a positive force in your marital life, you should offer your
spouse the following:
- There is no greater instrument
in your work-family toolbox than your words -- honest, direct,
and as needed. Before introducing your home business to your
family, take the time to convey to your spouse the whys, the
hows, and the how oftens. Why is a home career so important to
you? (Remember to speak in terms of "I need" not "I'm
not getting.") How are you going to find the time, make
the money, balance your responsibilities as a parent, be there
for your spouse? How often are you going to be working in the
home office, how often will you be fully available to your family?
Remember that "as needed" could mean every day or once
a month...whatever it takes to fully communicate with each other
as the big and small issues come up.
- Enlisting your children's involvement
in your home career is a must -- it ignites their creativity,
teaches discipline, fosters strong ties with you, develops a
team spirit, and generates many more positive experiences than
can be listed here. But for some couples, enlisting a spouse's
involvement in a home career can be a "must not." You
need to get a sense from your spouse how much s/he wants to be
involved in your work, and in what way. For instance, my spouse
has supported me over the years by painting my home office, building
me bookshelves, introducing me to new software programs, discussing
client issues, buying me an office chair, and just letting me
be (even when he would rather be with me). But even though he
is an MIS professional, he made it clear to me when I purchased
my first computer that he would not assist me as a technician.
Having to solve computer-related problems all day at work, he
encouraged me to learn how to troubleshoot my own computer so
that he could get a break from it all when he came home. So as
a rule of thumb, extend the invitation to involve your spouse
in your business, but don't push. Respect his/her limits.
- A home career brings in many
rewards -- for your wallet and for your spirit! Share the rewards
of your home career liberally with your spouse. As soon as you
turn your first profit, thank your spouse with it. Think about
how your spouse would spend that money -- by going out for a
celebration, by taking a weekend vacation, by slipping it into
a savings account, by investing it in some stock?? Use your home
business to spread good will to others first, before thinking
of yourself. And remember, if your business puts you in a good
mood, share the mood -- not the business talk!
- Before you even start your first
home business, decide where your greatest alliance is. Will your
greatest commitment be to your career, your children, your spouse?
My husband knows that I would drop my home career in a heartbeat
if I felt our marriage was at risk. I say this not because I
am a self-sacrificing martyr, or because I lack a strong sense
of self, but because I am committed to putting family first,
career second. Period. I make no apologies -- to my colleagues,
to my customers, to the women's movement, to my working parent
peers in corporate America, to anyone -- for that. Keeping this
priority clear works for me, it's how I remain "true to
myself." You need to decide what being "true to yourself"
really means, and then remain committed as such.
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- Lisa Roberts is the mother of four,
owner of The
Entrepreneurial Parent, LLC and the author of How to Raise A Family &
A Career Under One Roof: A Parent's Guide to Home Business
(Bookhaven Press, 1997). Copies of her book are available for
purchase at EP
and through
Amazon.
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